- You are not selective enough, or sure enough, about what you want and you date many men, most who either disappoint you or do not fulfill you.
- You are too picky and always seem to be alone.
Whether right or wrong, I fall into the first category. While this has led to countless tears and declarations to either become a nun or a lesbian, I have to admit it's the more interesting of the two. My biggest problem seems to come down to a nasty little three letter word (not STD, thank god!)...s-e-x. Sex betrays me everytime. And everytime I'm dumb enough to believe a man when he tells me he doesn't like me just for the physical aspect, I perpetuate the cycle.
I've recently ended two different "relationships". The first one really was a relationship. I had been seeing M for about 2 months. Overall, things were going pretty well and I really liked him, maybe even loved him. But there were just too many things that made me uncomfortable about him. And when I found out about the cheating, I called it over. I can honestly say I didn't shed a single tear over M, which made the crying over J even more improbable.
J was a guy I was seeing for all of 2 weeks. He had actually approached me a few months ago online with a cocky and perverted attitude. I was having a bad day and went off on him, he ended up apologizing and trying to backtrack, asserting that he was actually a gentleman and very shy. I had my doubts, so I kept giving him the cold treatment. He was very persistant and kept saying the right things, so I finally agreed to go out with him. I should have trusted my initial instincts. Instead, I discovered that I kind of liked this guy and I lost the upper hand. As soon as he realized I was no longer aloof, he changed. And as for him being a gentleman? He pulled his penis out on the first date. Naturally, it turned into a sex thing, but there still seemed to be a hint of friendship beneath it all that made me think it might become something else. Because I am an idiot.
A few days go by and I don't hear from J, nor does he respond to the few texts I send him. Finally, I ask if he's ok and he responds with, "I got a girlfriend." WHAT. This coming from the guy who poured his heart to me about how his ex screwed him up and how he still wasn't ready for a relationship. Lies, lies, lies....all of it! Including his reason for ignoring me. He doesn't have a girlfriend, he just got all that he wanted from me. Because I am an idiot.
When I cried that night, I didn't cry because I actually missed J, I cried because I could see myself falling into that damn trap again. It was then that I realized I have to change. And I got a cat. Living alone can be, well, lonely. Half my problem with dating is that I have nothing better to do. Half my problem with dating turning into "sex things" is that I'm not selective or defined enough and when the converation starts to lag, sex is always a common interest. It fills in the blanks. And I'm an idiot. Do we see a recurring theme here?
So, here I am, taking my stand. Tomorrow is Monday and I'm ready for a fresh start. I'm utterly single and from this point on, I am a selective girl. I will reject men for petty reasons and I will NOT cave in to first date, or even second date, sex. Amen. Who's taking bets on how long it will be before I crack?
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